March 2000


	Steps to Take To Stay Married (2) by Gary Grady


	Steps to Take Before Problems Arise A wedding does not a marriage make. Marriages are not made in heaven. As one writer said, "The kits are made in heaven, but we have to put them together." The respected counselor quoted above also says he believes that the 50% of causes of divorce are patterns begun and established during the first two years of marriage. Marriages go wrong because they don't go right. That sounds simplistic but it is profound in its simplicity. If we want our marriages not to go wrong, we must intentionally see that they go right. That means work on it. Working on it involves . . . 1. Setting goals, both individual and marital. This gives direction and keeps a couple from just drifting in their relationship. 2. Being open about, evaluating, challenging, and discussing expectations for the marriage. 3. Determining needs. We marry, at least in part, for need-satisfaction. We have to define and clarify our needs, as well as


	explore and implement positive behaviors to meet those needs. 4. Handling change and crisis. Every personal change during the course of a marriage can affect the stability and functioning of the marriage. 5. Decision-making. Who makes the decisions? What contributions does each make to the decision-making process? How does the contribution of each affect the process? Who is best qualified to decide? 6. Resolving conflict. (This will be discussed at length in Steps to Take to Stay Married, #3, next month in TFF.) 7. Prayer. Individual and joint prayer. Prayers of thanksgiving for each other. Prayers of request. Prayers acknowledging needs. 8. Forgiveness. Past behaviors must not be allowed to influence and hinder the relationship. Past events must be allowed to stay in the past. They must be remembered as history, not continual influences. The emphasis must be put on intentionally enriching our